10 Things I Learned While Married

1. If your spouse wants sex, the phrase "I don't want to, but I will" usually doesn't go over well.
2. It's never ok to go poop while the other person is stuck in the shower.
3. Cleaning out the litter box so the bedroom doesn't smell like cat pee does not constitute fore-play.
4. It's a good thing you didn't buy that time share in Florida.
5. You can't feign illness to get out of going to your inlaws during the holidays when they live in the same city as your family.
6. It's never ok to laugh if your spouse slips and falls in front of a group of people...unless it's REALLY funny. You will still get in trouble but it will have been worth it.
7. Sexy time should not be interrupted to give the cat a treat for taking a shit in the litterbox rather than on the floor. Go away cat! SHOO! Fine...here. Stop looking at me now...it's creepy.
8. If your spouse got paid to smoke pot all day, you would be a millionaire.
9. The answer to the question your spouse just asked is never "Do you live under a rock?"
10. I am the master of wet-willys.